Luna is a Good Girl

by Keith Kopp

Kim offers the receptionist a smile, but it dies on contact. Frome Veterinary Clinic is very busy this Tuesday morning. A little boy with chocolate stuck to the side of his face smiles at her and she says, ‘Hello.’ The boy’s mother smiles at her and he quickly becomes distracted by his brown rabbit on his lap. Kim returns her attention to the receptionist. ‘Hello, sorry,’ her tone meant to be polite, but not really at the same time. ‘Sorry, just one moment,’ the receptionist finishes off her sentence on the computer and offers her attention. ‘Yeah, no, sorry. I brought my dog in a couple hours ago and I was wondering if there's any update?’ ‘Not at the minute, love, but once the vet has seen her, we will let you know,’ the receptionist says before going back to an email. ‘Ok.’ She stands as a protest, though she knows no one will notice. Kim is exhausted from submitting a new proposal for work, wearing an item of clothing from every member of her family, and the last thing she needs right now is for her dog to be unwell. In a haze she looks at the animals in the room and wonders how a woman like herself who never really liked pets could be worried by the medical status of her furry four-legged dog. ‘Luna,’ the vet calls out. ‘Yes,’ Kim walks towards her. The two walk into a small consultation room.

‘Please have a seat,’ she says pointing at a chair.

‘Is everything ok?’ Kim asks.

‘My name is Vivianne or Viv, I am the lead veterinarian, and I just need to prepare you for some unfortunate news before you see Luna.’ A ping noise comes from Viv’s phone, and she has a look at it. Kim is getting visibly irritated that this vet has set up a dramatic moment in this sterile space and is now not giving her the news. The pause, just a second or two, feels like a lifetime.

‘What is it?’ Kim loses her patience and snaps.

‘My apologies,’ Viv pulls herself back a little in her seat, ‘Luna has had multiple seizures this morning and though that in itself does not necessarily mean anything, she has also had a brain bleed.’

‘Shit,’ Kim whispers.

‘I am sorry,’ Viv says.  

‘No, I don't think you understand.’ Kim pleads, ‘I have two little girls who are at school right now and they are expecting their dog to be with them until they leave for university.’

Viv listens empathetically to this middle-aged woman’s plight and places a compassionate hand on the desk. ‘Kim, she really doesn’t have much time.’

‘She is only seven years old?’ Kim says. Viv nods.

‘Well then. What now?’ Kim snaps. ‘Shall I take her out back and put two rounds into her head?’ Viv is taken aback. Kim’s been up all night, between Freya’s cough, a crashing council website not accepting her proposal, and a leaky toilet that somehow made her think about the missing coffee machine at work and the fact she and Dan haven’t been naked together in weeks.

‘Are you ok?’ Viv looks at her worried, ‘Do you need a minute?’

Kim retorts, ‘Does Luna have a minute?’ Then is immediately apologetic about her nasty response, ‘Sorry.’ Kim pulls her hair into a ponytail, tucks it behind Dan’s old jumper.

‘It’s ok, I understand.’ Viv says, ‘Unfortunately I have to do this too often.’

‘Bless you, of course you do. That’s terrible.’ Kim tries her best to show she is an understanding human.

‘Look, there is something I wanted to mention.’ Viv goes into one of her drawers and pulls out a brochure. ‘We have this new piece of kit, and this is going to sound a little odd.’ There is a pause, Viv looks at Kim, ‘Do you want to speak with her?’

‘With who?’ Kim asks. ‘Well, with Luna?’ Viv says.

‘I don’t follow.’ Kim looks around the room like she lost a section of this conversation.

‘So, I haven’t used this yet, but the Royal Veterinary College has come up with this amazing bit of kit that lets you speak with your animals. We have been prioritising it for moments of letting go.’ Viv gets ready for her pitch. ‘Are you joking?’ Kim asks.

‘No, it's real, I have been trained on it.’ Viv says, trying to mask her excitement.

‘No, I don’t want your nonsense,’ Kim says trying to contain her exhaustion, ‘I need to think about how I am going to tell my husband who loves that dog more than sports, beer, maybe even more than me that she is going to die and to my children who have never had to experience death before.’ 

‘I understand,’ Viv says as she drops the brochure on the desk. ‘Let me prepare the room for you to see Luna.’ Viv gets up and leaves. Kim sees the brochure, a photo of an elderly man and his cat lying on a metal hospital table with a tech dot on their head. ‘Shit’ Kim says. She catches a reflection of herself in a metal cabinet and notices some paint from yesterday's craft with the kids which she wipes away.

Kim follows a veterinarian assistant to another white plastic room, S5 is written on the door. She enters the room and sees her dog on the table. A black and white border collie, with a thick coat of hair. Kim knows this isn’t right, normally Luna would be on the other side of the door with a lovely expression to greet her. Now her back is to Kim, and she isn’t turning around. ‘Hey Lu’ Kim puts her hand on the dog's head in a gentle way, ‘how are you babes?’ Luna tilts her head for a second and then places back on the table. ‘I’ll give you a minute but let me know if you need anything,’ The vet assistant takes a tray of items out of the room. Kim kneels next to Luna, her eyes are shut but then she licks Kim’s face.

Kim rushes to the hallway. ‘Sorry,’ Kim says to the veterinarian assistant.

‘How can I help love?’ The vet assistant asks.

Kim can’t believe she is saying this, ‘I want to try your silly bullshit.’

The vet assistant gives a clueless expression.

‘I mean the dog talking service or whatever you call it.’

‘I see, let me get Viv for you.’ She walks off.

Her pocket vibrates. It's a text from Dan, ‘How is it going? How’s our girl?’

Kim responds, ‘Badly, it may be the end for Lu, I'm sorry.’ with two cry emojis.

Viv walks up to Kim with a large bouquet of flowers and a large smile. Kim looks at the flowers like are you serious right now. ‘They are from my partner,’ Viv hands them on to her assistant, ‘I hear you want to give it a go?’

‘Yeah, I mean I think I do, she may say ‘Hey, you heartless bitch, why did you put me on the cheap food?’ Kim says in disbelief she is agreeing to this, ‘But sure, why not let's give it a go.’

Kim is sitting next to Luna, and she just appears to be sleeping. Viv and two assistants walk into the room with a screen and a tray full of tech that looks like it belongs in an Apple store.

‘So Kim, this technology will allow you about ten minutes or so to link with Luna, it's truly wonderful. You will be the first to try it here at our site,’ Viv says as she untangles a cord attached to the monitor. ‘How does it work?’ Kim asks. ‘Will she start singing Lana Del Ray to me?’

‘Ha, that would be good, wouldn't it? From the research and what I have seen it plays out a little different for everyone. For some they receive images, from the past from the dog's perspective and others there is a mental link conversation.’Viv says as he puts discrete dots on Kim’s temples. One of the assistants does the same on Luna's forehead and back of her ear. She opens one eye. ‘What a good girl,’ the vet assistant says. Kim watches her and finds it odd how vets seem to always be so compassionate with other people’s animals. For her, there has only been this one beast that managed to jump the fence of her emotional barrier.

‘You must be close, we recommend that you lie next to her on the bed here,’ Viv shifts Luna over enough for Kim to get up. ‘Ok, so we are going to give you some privacy, but it should only take a minute before it starts to kick in.’ ‘Ok.’ Kim says. The vets leave the room and in no time Luna struggles but manages to turn around and face Kim. She had labored breathing, the two stare into each other’s eyes. Kim pets Luna’s head, ‘You’re a good girl,’ Kim's eyes weigh heavily and she closes them.

Kim wakes up and it's Christmas two years previously, it's five am. Freya is awake jumping on Dan and Kim to encourage them to wake up. ‘Presents, I want to open my presents, please mumma.’ Dan gets up to make coffee, ‘Come on then let's see what’s under the tree.’ ‘Yeah!’ Freya runs downstairs. Luna jumps on the bed and looks at Kim. ‘You ok Lu?’ The collie tries to encourage her to get up. The dog does her bow and sniffs in her playful manner. ‘Two more minutes,’ Luna keeps doing her snout clearing noise and Kim opens one eye. ‘Ok, ok I am coming.’

The family unwraps the presents, their home is covered in the decorations of the holiday season and music from two generations ago plays on the radio. ‘There is one for Lu mumma, give it to her.’ Freya says in pure excitement. ‘Ok,’ Kim tears wrapping, which was only done by Kim some six hours previously. ‘It is a dog jumper, it has gingerbread men dancing on it. ’Freya screeches with delight before returning to her stack of presents. Kim pulls the jumper over Luna’s head and smooths it out over her fur. Luna does a twirl before lying down on the floor next to Kim. ‘She looks like she actually likes it,’ Dan says. Luna puts her front paws on Kim who is sitting next to her and gives her face a lick. ‘Ugh Lu, babes no one likes to be licked on the face,’ Kim says. Luna looks proud in her new outfit.

Kim opens her eyes and looks around, finding herself back in the vets. She looks at her dog and Luna opens her eyes.

‘Warm,’ Luna says. Kim looks around for who is speaking and then makes the connection that it is Luna. ‘Luna, is that you? Are you speaking?’ She puts a paw on her shoulder. Luna's snout does not move but she can telekinetically talk with Kim.

‘Warm jumper.’ Luna thinks.

Kim laughs. ‘Are you kidding me? Yes, the Christmas jumper was warm.’

‘Jumper was warm.’ Luna says.

Luna’s struggling more with her breath, her little body contracting in quick shallow movements. Kim places her hand on her face, ‘I wish your daddy was here, I know he’s worried about you.’

‘Daddy is flubby.’

Kim laughs, “Flubby”?

‘He makes Luna laugh when he hits head on light in the hallway every time.’

‘He is flubby Luna.’

‘Luna wants mumma here.’

‘Mumma is here Lu,’ Kim’s eyes weigh heavily.

Kim wakes up in the passenger seat; she starts pulling on a thread from a jumper she has kept for too long. ‘You are going to love them,’ Dan says while trying to not look at Kim in case she catches his excitement. ‘I agreed to look at the rodents, we are not taking one home,’ she says in a tone that was meant to remind him she was only humouring him. ‘Ok,’ Dan says but he can’t stop himself from smiling. He is aware that an hour from now she would know what he was smiling at. They drive up to a farm in the middle of nowhere, shanty structures made up most of the complex, the one building that looked sturdy was the stables block. A twenty-year-old girl covered in muddy work clothes came out to greet them.

‘Heya, I am Francis.’

‘Hello’ Kim and Dan nearly sing in unison.

‘I am Dan and this is Kim.’ Dan says while shaking her hand.

‘Would you like to see the other dogs before visiting the collies?’ Francis says while struggling to open an ancient stable door.‘Sure,’ Dan says.

She takes them to the first section of the stables where newly born wirehaired dachshunds are climbing over themselves. A heat lamp illuminates their odd shape. ‘Eh’ Kim reacts to their hairy worm-like appearance. A pungent scent invades her space. Francis giggles, ‘Yeah, I think they are gross as well, but my partner insists that there is a niche market for them.’ ‘Can we see the other ones?’ Dan says as he pops one of the puppies back in their bed.

The three walk out to a field. Francis puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles. A working border collie runs up to Francis and behind her is twelve black and white fluffy potatoes. Kim stood with them surrounding her and something happened, she for a brief moment became a nine-year-old girl again. She felt joy, and genuine loss of burden. This was not a true reflection of how she felt when she was nine, there were things that made her life complicated back then. Kim looked down to see which she would choose to take into her bosom and one little puppy, the runt of the litter, was trying to climb up her leg.

‘That was me, Mumma.’ She can hear Luna’s thoughts interrupt this memory.

‘That is you Lu.’ Kim feels the warmth of that moment.

She picks up the puppy and embraces it and her muscles relax, almost swaying in a dance with this pup. Kim may be an adult, but such elation removes the shackles of keeping up appearances. She holds the soft fur to the side of her face, other puppies are trying to climb up her legs, but Luna found her person. ‘Who is this nugget?’ Dan says as he pets their future puppy. Kim offers a look at Dan like you bastard you knew this would happen and his face reflects a joy at confirming her assumptions.

Viv checks in on Kim and Luna; she reviews some vitals on a tablet. Kim pulls Luna tighter to her.

Kim feels a sense of falling and the smell of wild garlic, which fills Wiltshire county in early spring. Her eyes wake to a new memory. She is in the garden watching her youngest daughter Cece bounce in the bouncy chair for the millionth time. Food from the last biscuit is still clinging from the side of Cece’s face. Luna is in the kitchen making a coughing noise, Kim rushes in to see she is having an odd reaction. ‘You ok big girl?’ she strokes the puppy when it coughs up a full-size worm onto the floor. ‘Oh my god!’ Kim wraps a hand around her mouth to stop herself from being sick. Her eldest daughter Freya enters ‘is Lu ok Mumma?’ Kim guides her out of the kitchen, ‘she is ok babes go play with Cece.’ She now remembers this moment, Dan is away doing an exciting geological survey in Chile and she now has to look after a dog with a serious case of worms and two children. The next two weeks are touch and go and at one point they think Luna will die.

The last and worst night of the event Luna makes a nightmare noise that echoes in the hallway of their normally comfortable cottage. Kim rushes and takes the baby monitor with her. She sees this helpless, little, wiggly girl in serious pain. ‘Hello Lu.’ She lies down next to her on the cold linoleum floor, Luna breathes heavily. Kim remembers this moment and how out of character it was that she would even think of getting so close to an animal, let alone a sick one. She fell asleep next to the new member of the family for all of fifteen minutes, the largest chunk of time she would get between human children and canine needing her attention. When she woke up Luna was nestled in her chest. This was the moment that love superseded the cuteness of a puppy and solidified Luna as a member of their family.  

‘One Mumma.’ Luna tells Kim.

‘One?’ Kim asks.

‘One more time.’ Luna drags herself a little closer and puts her face into the nape of Kim’s neck. Kim squeezes her friend and her eyes close once more. 

It's an autumnal day, damp lingers in the air. Kim starts wandering through her lounge with a coffee in hand. She knew that it was a few weeks after her dad died. The shelf above the fireplace is covered in condolence cards and the blue stained couch that Dan and her used to joke about being covered in unmentionable liquids is still not yet disposed of. She starts looking around and the contents of her past, interrogating why this might be important to Luna. She receives a text from Dan which hints at the question of whether (or not) she will be leaving the house today? She remembers it had taken her a while to find the strength to pull herself together to get out of the house after her father died.

She thinks she might be able to get away with it for another day until Luna has the zoomies, she runs down the stairs and back up again. ‘Are you alright up there?’ She goes to look at the mutt causing all the commotion. Luna has her lead in her mouth, and her tail is so waggy that she looks like is about to fall off balance. ‘I can’t today.’ Luna gives a happy growl, knowing that her will to play is stronger than Kim’s ability to resist. The clouds start to pass, and they start walking in the sunshine. An unusual experience at this time of year and as the two do their routine walk Luna starts pulling on the lead. ‘Where are we going then?’ Kim follows this black and white mascot, until they arrive at Cley Hill, a spot which oversees the valley and the town in which she has lived all of her life. They stop at the bench which marks the spot that one week previously her family gathered to distribute her dad’s ashes, it was his favorite spot. She sits down and takes in the golden light which hits the green fields and the rural villages around Frome. Luna jumps on the bench next to her and she rests her head on Kim’s shoulder as she gets scratched behind the ears. Kim realises why Luna is showing her this memory and the two continue absorbing the panoramic setting.

Kim opens her eyes and sees that Luna has stopped breathing. She holds the beautiful dog tightly, in the way you hold good friends knowing you will never see them again. At least until it's your time. She is not a harsh woman, but it is fair to say emotions do not come quickly to her, today this is not an issue.

Kim gets in her car, she is without any moisture left in her body, a dry husk staring at herself in the rear-view mirror. She is thinking about the unthankful task of having to tell Dan, Freya and Cece of the day's events. Kim drives home and, on the way, spots a local market. She quickly drinks the largest bottle of water she could find nearly in one gulp. When she walks back to her car she spots a pet store. A bright pink sign with pictures of complete families in the windows. Kim walks in and looks around; she spots all the animals. She sees turtles, rabbits and mice, none of them are aware of her. She wonders about the relationships she could have with these beasts and not know it until it's too late. After marriage and the birth of her children she thought she knew all about the types of love already. She stops near a cage full of gerbils. She selects two of them, a tan one and a calico one. She drives home and thinks to herself that the relationship she had with Luna might be one of the best friendships she had ever had, pure and uncomplicated. She looks over at the gerbils, knowing she could never grow an attachment to them and that made her feel secure. At a red light the dog collar in her lap falls onto the footwell, Kim senses it on her foot and she keeps driving.

BIO: Keith Kopp is a writer and filmmaker originally from the Pacific Northwest based in Bath, UK. His creative work focuses on emotionally authentic relationships in a complex world. His writing has appeared in As You Were and Hobart, and his debut feature film Translations, a meditation on the impact of mental health on romantic relationships, had a UK theatrical release. He is a Senior Lecturer in Film and Television at Bath Spa University. @Keith_Wilhelm_Kopp on instagram and kwkopp is his website.