Six Poems
by Maxwell Bauman
Shellfish
An armada from the Crab Nebula crawls ashore.
Rows of crustaceans flex buff claws.
They molt with a collective shutter
and beat driftwood drumsticks on red leather shells.
Blue-blooded lobsters baited into pots,
who spent 40 years stewing in jail,
pinched at millionaires’ forks and claw crackers.
Today they wear bibs and eat the rich.
Shrimp toast with cocktails and do dainty dances
as nets sweep them up from the seafloor.
Bubba Gump throws another on the barbie
disregarding the by-catch.
The Blue Oyster Cult shuck hard shells while
the Walrus and the Carpenter knife-fight.
"He was a bold man who first ate an oyster,"
Johnathan Swift says and chips his tooth on a pearl.
Merfolk
Sea girls splashing out of the salty water
with silver mirror and comb of narwhal bone
sunbathe bare chested on rocks.
Scaly tails slap the foam.
Not all merfolk are blessed with beauty.
The mermen have a fish head full of sharp teeth,
muscular legs flex and scissor-kick.
Remember, their DNA are whirlpools of disaster.
Alexander the Great's sister became a mermaid.
She asks sailors, "Is King Alexander alive?"
Say, "He lives and reigns and conquers the world."
and she will calm the waves.
Answer her in any other way,
and the blue skies turn dark and stormy,
thunder clouds gather on the horizon.
Men who set sail will never touch land again.
Seabirds
A choir of laughing gulls squawk for loose fries
and flock to the rye bread of the ancient mariner.
Pelicans briefly scoop up terrified pigeons.
Penguins dance to the death in bloody slap-fights.
Storks drop babies from unreasonable heights.
Toucans force-feed children bags of sugar.
Flamingos scrape their knees playing hopscotch.
A bevy of swan dance in their first ballet recital.
The Pied Sandpiper of Hamelin lures out snails.
Boobies dance to the tune in blue suede shoes.
Plovers peep peep among the rocks.
The Song of the Loon drives lovers mad.
Danger rumbles in the air, and geese honk, "Duck!"
Thunderbirds fall hard, turning sand into glass.
The vulture goddess Nekhbet pick them apart
and paper cranes carry their souls to heaven.
Lifeguards
The lifeguards on white thrones are burnt out
watching the bathers and sandy beach bums.
Anything can change at a moment's notice.
Bitcoin rises and crashes, sinking the market.
The Statue of Liberty struts
through huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
Green wheat pennies fall from her radiant crown,
a treasure waiting for elderly metal detectors.
Someone floats face-down.
Silver whistles blow,
but boomboxes and drums
wash out every short and long blast.
The lifeguards plunge into the cold water
and paddle out to save the soul.
A bloated corpse with flowery thighs
shimmy and shakes with rainbow fans.
Peril
Beware; these waters hold untold dangers.
Giant squids entwine whales with suction cups
beaching themselves in an endless wrestling match
all the way up to the Natural History Museum.
Turtles pushed to the limits snap
and devour finger food.
Tubas try to warn skinny dippers
about chomping great white sharks.
Eels on electric guitars strum with scallop shells.
Barracudas snag the bass line
and go for Ann and Nancy Wilson's Heart.
The grouper gulps the rest of the band whole.
President Teddy Roosevelt watches in horror as
a shoal of piranhas with razor-sharp teeth
shred through cattle in mere minutes
leaving behind nothing but a slack-jawed skeleton.
Kraken
The most ancient of the kaiju has cataracts,
but instinctively knows the way to go.
The mighty Kraken drags long ancient tentacles;
the remains of sunken ship stick to suction cups.
Merciless minions follow in its wake.
Serpents surrounded by roses
wear jagged shark teeth as scarves.
Capricorns with horns and green flippers bleat.
Under extreme pressure
a toothy angler fish has a bright idea.
Black and white sandworms curl up the legs
of the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
Fish skeletons throw Mardi Gras beads
and shattered crab shells into the crowd.
Red fish heads roll with bulging eyes.
White bones ooze thick globs of black oil.
BIO: Maxwell Bauman M.F.A. is the Associate Publisher and Managing Editor of Ben Yehuda Press. He is the Owner/ Editor-In-Chief of Door Is A Jar Literary Magazine, and the Lead Editor of Aggadah Try It, an imprint of Madness Heart Press. Maxwell is a contributor to Chicken Soup for the Soul. He has work recently published or forthcoming in The Scene Magazine, The Quarter(ly), Wingless Dreamer, Abstract Magazine, Querencia Press, and Blood+Honey. @maxwellbauman maxwellbauman.com