Where Nothing Answers
Poetry by Pradeep R. Varadwaj
Winter arrives like the hush of ash.
Each morning I cross the narrow streets
from dormitory to university,
past leaves thinned to parchment on the frost—
gold loosening its grip, brown folding in.
Few notice. A heel grinds one into the ice.
Once they flickered with a kind of certainty,
a first idea held trembling on the branch.
Now they settle into the ground—
not gone, but listening—
year after year taking the shape of my name,
as if time were rehearsing how to forget it.
And the crows—
black engines of endurance—
tilt the leaves with patient beaks,
tap, turn, test the locked earth again, again,
for something that resists.
Nothing escapes their notice;
they keep a discipline of hunger
that will not ask, will not answer.
Their wings cut low through the ice-wrapped air—
a measured dark, returning, returning,
as if the day itself were something worn thin
and carried.
Above them, the tree keeps its emptiness
like a vow:
no ornament, no apology,
only the form that remains.
To work without witness.
To let each loss fall clean.
To count the days not as blossom
but burden—
one laid upon another
until the body knows its sum.
I work. I grow older.
The light does not open now—
it thins, it turns, it holds itself away.
Still, I follow.
And in the crows—
in their refusal to turn aside,
in the small insistence of their search—
something steadies.
Not hope—
not the mild fiction of survival—
but this:
to stay
when nothing answers,
when even the self grows faint—
a sound slipping across the snow—
and not turn back—
I remain.
BIO: Pradeep R. Varadwaj is a scientist developing functional materials for sustainability, blending advanced research with practical applications. A poet and writer, he explores human emotions, social issues, and the intricate relationship between people and the natural world. A nature enthusiast and spiritual seeker, he draws inspiration from life, yoga, and meditation. His work weaves reflection and insight to illuminate human experience and encourage thoughtful engagement with the world. He is the author of What the Pond Teaches, Without You, My Existence Drifts, with forthcoming works including What the Tree Teaches: A Quiet Instruction, COOKCOO: The Breath That Learns to Listen, and The Nectar Drinks Us.